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Amanda Bast
Analysis & Observation 47

What Your Eggs Say About You

By Amanda @AmandaMBast · On February 3, 2012


You can tell a lot about a person by how they eat their eggs.
At least that’s what someone said once. I think. I’m going to say that’s definitely a thing and now make up a bunch of junk based solely on that premise. I know it’s Friday, and on Fridays I post funny things that kids say, but I worked a total of 3.5 days this entire month. I’m in the middle of a Field Note drought that hopefully doesn’t continue for another month. So because of the drought, you get garbage like this instead.

I’m so sorry. So very sorry.

What Your Eggs Say About You
A completely inaccurate analysis

Scrambled
Despite what the name suggests, you are very particular. You like things ‘just so’, and prefer not to make a mess. You have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that is often misinterpreted as snooty. You’re not snooty. You just like order and perfection. And your eggs scrambled.

Over Hard
You are a no-nonsense individual who likes to get things done. Problems with you are fairly cut and dry. You see the world in black and white and can make wise decisions easily and quickly. You’re probably someone’s boss, a CEO, or will be one someday. You work hard and expect your eggs to do the same.

Over Easy
You’re relaxed and laid back. You don’t like to put up a fuss or cause any harm. You’re just chill, man. You’re a natural leader, in that everyone wants to be your friend, but you’re not really sure why. You naturally draw people to yourself because you’re down to earth and normal. You’re over easy, man.

Hard Boiled
You’re a laugh a minute. You’re versatile and flexible. You are the life of the party and you seem to be friends with everyone. You are sometimes obnoxious and people don’t always warm up to you. Maybe it’s because you smell a little bit. Once people grow to love you and your outgoing nature, they look past the smell, I promise.

Sunny Side Up
You are a people person with bright, effervescent personality. You smile constantly and really like to play board games, but only if everyone can win. People really love you, but sometimes you are a little too peppy. You’re probably a kindergarten teacher. Or maybe a ballerina. Either way, you’re sunny even on a rainy day. That was cheesy. I’m really sorry.

Poached
You are extremely high maintenance, rude, difficult to please, particular, demanding and no one actually likes you.

Soft Boiled
You’re a delicate pansy. You can’t do anything for too long because it’s too strenuous. You’re the person at the beach who wears 70 SPF sunscreen and sits in the shade and still gets burnt. It takes lots of patience to get to know you and appreciate you and your soft boiled heart. I mean egg. I mean. I don’t….uh.

Eggs Benedict
You are not gluten free. Why are eggs covered in sauce? Make this stop, please. I’m really hungry. How come bacon isn’t on this list? No one actually eats these types of eggs. At least I’ve never heard of anyone eating these. Maybe they’re reserved for hipsters. I just compared eggs to hipsters. I need a life. Or maybe just a job. I….need to move on.

Bacon
You are perfect in every way.

—

How do you like your eggs, my dear Internets?

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Amanda

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47 Comments

  • Ricky Anderson says: February 3, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I didn’t know there were that many things to do with eggs. Where do breakfast burritos fit into this picture?

    Reply
    • randomlychad says: February 3, 2012 at 8:17 am

      Scrambled, Ricky-most breakfast burritos I’ve ever eaten contain scrambled eggs.

      Reply
      • Ricky Anderson says: February 3, 2012 at 9:01 am

        No, I know that!

        I meant it should be its own category, like bacon.

        Mmm…bacon breakfast burritos…

        Reply
  • randomlychad says: February 3, 2012 at 8:16 am

    #1 How did you know I like scrambled eggs? Hm? 😉

    #2 What about “thousand year-old” eggs? Or for that matter, Balut? <–If one eats either of those, one is cultured, shops at the local Asian market… Or watches entirely too much Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Discovery Channel, and someone dared them to. They did it, and followed it with a generous helping of Durian.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

      My missionary friend in the Philippines eats those!

      Reply
  • Adrian W. says: February 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I’m all about sunny-side up and over-easy, and those actually seem to somewhat fit my personality! =)

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

      Oh hooray! I’m glad you’re not a poached person, or I would have to ask you to leave.

      Reply
  • mscotter83 says: February 3, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Next time I order eggs, I’m going to say “I’d like my eggs bacon. thanks.”

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

      I was going to say that “I like my eggs bacon” was a completely acceptable answer.

      Reply
  • Heather Summers says: February 3, 2012 at 8:37 am

    The poached egg one cracked me up and scared me so much that I never want to eat poached eggs. That’s for scarring me for life!

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

      I have only ever served poached eggs to really snooty people. They are treacherous to make.

      Reply
  • Tony J. Alicea says: February 3, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Don’t forget to add this to Hard Boiled. Too much of you makes people throw up.

    I like my eggs Over Medium. So somewhere in between hard and easy.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

      And is that fairly accurate? I think it’s fairly accurate.

      Reply
  • Jared Hollier says: February 3, 2012 at 9:22 am

    I crack them in a glass and drink them raw like Rocky.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:21 am

      Are you my brother?

      Reply
  • Jess says: February 3, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Im somewhat of a breakfast aficionado. Here is my perfect meal. Bacon, extra crispy. Reserve the bacon fat to use for frying two eggs, sunny side up, then reserve AGAIN to fry day-old rice. Chase with stuffed French toast.

    GOSH. I’m hungry. And/or a fatty.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

      This is why we are sisters. I love breakfast food the most.

      Reply
    • Chris says: February 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

      How could I have gone all these years without knowing about Stuffed French Toast?? That sounds pretty good!

      Reply
  • Stephen Haggerty says: February 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

    This is scary accurate. Scary.

    You should do more food analogies- I demand it!

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

      This was really fun to write. Give me ideas for what I should analyze and I’ll do it.

      Reply
  • snickeringcorpses says: February 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Deviled eggs are also not on this list. Do they have those in Canada? They might be a Southern thing. I recently learned there was such a thing as a fried deviled egg, and my life will not be complete until I try them.

    For breakfast, however, I generally do go with scrambled eggs with shredded cheese sprinkled in so it melts into the egg as you stir. Lately, with corned beef hash. Or bacon. And/or grits.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

      We do have them in Canada at church potlucks and baby showers. I figure they fit in the hard boiled category.

      Reply
  • Joanna says: February 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

    I think you meant “dippy” instead of over easy 😉

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

      Blaine will forever be known as “dippy eggs guy”. Priceless.

      Reply
  • The Joseph Craven says: February 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I like my eggs smashed against somebody’s car.

    Also, I completely disagree with the hard boiled description. I know a guy who will remain nameless who loves hard boiled eggs and is a DOUCHE.

    Reply
    • The Joseph Craven says: February 3, 2012 at 10:37 am

      Also that guy is ME

      Reply
      • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

        Funny. I’ve only ever seen you eat poached eggs.

        Reply
  • D.A. Broughton says: February 3, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    I (respectfully) disagree almost entirely with your analysis.
    This may be, however, because I’m terrible at frying eggs, and always have been. Therefore, I see every fried-egg version as the highest maintenance, A-type personality.
    Over-Easy is exactly the opposite, and the most laid back of personalities are the ones who can just stir it all into a big delicious mess, while making coffee, and texting.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 2:04 pm

      Frying eggs is an art that I have mastered. Eggs is my go-to “lazy” meal. You need a proper egg frying lesson.

      Reply
      • D.A. Broughton says: February 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

        I worked in a breakfast restaurant for years. I’m much better than I once was, but still, a lot of concentration has to go into them.

        I’d also add: Raw Eggs.
        You’re either an eco-health-nut, or a jogger-meets-bench-presser who thinks you’re impressing everyone. You’re not.

        Reply
  • D.A. Broughton says: February 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Also, I’ve had a post on Egg Whites waiting in the Drafts for an eon, and you’ve inspired me to find and post it in the new future.

    Reply
  • Tyler Smith says: February 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    What does it mean if you make eggs, accidentally get shell in the mix, and decide to leave it, because it’d be too much trouble to get out?

    also, do the shells stay inside your stomach with the bubble gum?

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm

      It means you should take egg frying lessons along with D.A. Broughton.

      Also: yes.

      Reply
  • Burrill Strong (@sgtwolverine) says: February 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    I’m bits and pieces of both scrambled and over easy, which is cool because I’ll eat either one. I’m also decidedly NOT other bits and pieces of scrambled and over easy, which is cool because I don’t eat them very often.

    In other words: this post is perfect.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      I’m sunny side up glad.

      Reply
  • Jamie says: February 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I’m scrambled WITH bacon. So sarcastic and perfect. Not news.

    What about quiche? I heart a crust.

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm

      Quiche implies more ingredients than just eggs. I stuck with just straight up eggs. Benedict was cheating a lil bit.

      Reply
  • Larry Hehn says: February 3, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I’m over easy.
    I mean, I like my eggs over easy.
    With bacon.
    Lots and lots of bacon.
    Mmm…

    Reply
  • Shannon says: February 4, 2012 at 9:06 am

    runny yolks are gross, jarett says he will not eat oozing genetic material, i second that so we eat bacon 🙂

    Reply
  • Sharideth Smith says: February 4, 2012 at 11:07 am

    i hate eggs.

    does that mean i hate people.

    probably.

    *drinks more coffee*

    Reply
    • Mandie Marie says: February 4, 2012 at 12:16 pm

      This doesn’t surprise me.

      Reply
  • Katie says: February 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    I’m all about the ‘bird’s nest.’ you fry an egg (I prefer over medium) inside a piece of bread that you have cut a circle out of using a glass. Voila- you’ve got eggs that don’t run all over the place and toast to mop up the yolk. It’s fantastic.

    Also, I loved your analysis and have lots of egg shell in my stomach.

    Reply
  • JM Randolph says: February 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Poached cracked me up.

    Reply
  • Gayle says: February 1, 2013 at 2:02 am

    I like them all, scrambled, poached, sunny, omelette, quiche, soft and hard boiled, deviled and lots of others, and lots of them, a lot.—oh dear me!

    Reply
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    • snickeringcorpses says: April 9, 2013 at 7:13 am

      This spammer gives an entirely different meaning to what your eggs say about you. :O

      Reply
  • Sunday Specials: Overeasy or Sunny Side Up? | Norman's Blog says: February 22, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    […] is this article (by another blogger Mandie Marie) I read about how egg preparations reflect the kind of personality […]

    Reply
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    Why hello there! I'm Amanda. I do things and write stuff, mainly in that order. That's all you need to know about me. Now let's be best friends. Forever.
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