I have road rage sometimes. I yell, my heart rate increases and I’m grumpy for the rest of the day. It consumes me. It’s becoming a problem. Someone can cut me off, or tailgate or forget to use their blinker and I’m fine with it. But I do have road rage. Its cause? Tacky car accessories. For some strange reason, the junk other people put on their car irritates me to no end, and I’m finally ready to talk about it.
I remember the days when car accessories were limited to a cardboard pine tree and the occasional suction cup Garfield. Now? Ridiculous. Complete and tacky over-the-top ridiculousness. Here are some of the worst offenders:
Flags. I get that you’re a sports fan. Or a fan of your country. Does your car have to be a fan, too? Have you ever driven in a car with one of these flags? It’s a terrible experience. All that flapping is noisy. And tacky.
Calvin Peeing on Stuff Stickers. You’ve taken something awesome, and made it pee on something stupid. And then put it on the back of your truck. I….I’m a little sad.
Spoilers on Cars That Shouldn’t Have Spoilers. Look, they’re aptly named.
Hawaiian Leis Hanging on Mirror. I see you, first year university girls. I see you.
Fake Arm Hanging Out of Trunk. I’ll admit that it startled me every time, but that still doesn’t make it cool.
Spinner Rims. HAHAHAHHAHA no.
Magnetic Ribbons. “This giant magnet loop will show the troops I really care! I just know it! I’m making a difference!”
Reindeer Antlers and a Nose. NO. That’s Santa’s deal. Your car isn’t fooling us. It’s still a car. It’s not going to be pulling a hairy, obese man around the world delivering presents to children all night, so don’t pretend that it is. You’re misleading the children. THE CHILDREN.
Stick Figure Families. This whole post has been leading up to this one. It’s at the bottom of the list for a reason. I don’t even have the words to describe my distaste for stick figure families. I’m a little angry. Maybe I’m not ready to talk about this after all. A picture says a thousand words, right? Well here: