Telemarketer: HEY! How’s it going?! I’m Adam on behalf of [internet provider].
Am I speaking to Amanda?
Awesome! (giggles) So can I ask you a few questions?
(laughs) I see you have internet with us. Are you getting ok speeds with it?
Yup, I’m happy with it.
Hey, (haha) are you a student by any chance?
Nope, a teacher.
I can tell. I’m getting the vibe.
(LAUGH) What? How? Based solely on my voice? HOW? What makes you say that?
No. Yes. I mean. Yeah. (hahahaha) No no no. Uh. Well it’s just a vibe, ok? Maybe I’m psychic or something. You have a nice voice.
Or maybe it’s because I’m good at pretending to be friendly when I don’t want to be. I wasn’t pleased to see a 1-800 number when you called.
No one ever is! You should be an actress. You’d be good at it.
Can I ask you some more questions?
Go for it.
Do you have a TV or home phone?
Do you just not find a use for it?
The home phone? No. But I use my TV.
(laughs) I should have elaborated. Oh man, I suck at this. I meant the TV. Do you just not watch TV?
No, I do. I just stream Netflix. I don’t want to pay for extra channels.
Oh, but I’ve got a package for fifteen bucks!
Not in the budget, bro.
That’s fine. I get it. Oh hey, Netflix! Have you seen Orange is the New Black?
I hear it’s good.
You HEAR it’s good? You haven’t seen it? Are you wildly throwing out recommendations to everyone you call?
I read it on the internet! The internet says it was good! I read lots of things on the internet!
I think you should watch shows before you recommend them.
This was the weirdest phone call ever. Thank you, sir.
Well, yes it was. Hey. You have yourself a good evening.