I’d like to tell you a little story. This story takes place on an afternoon in May, when two twentysomethings debated on what they wanted to have for lunch. Salad? No, not enough greens. Pad Thai? No, we just had that yesterday. Sandwiches? No, way too much gluten. Leftovers seemed like a logical choice, but these leftovers were just really…meaty. There were no suitable carbohydrates to eat alongside these protein-laden leftovers, so the pair decided to go big, and go meaty. Ergo, the all meat lunch plan was devised.
The tall one of the pair made some tea and put the meat in the pan to sizzle, while the short one reflected on how proud her brother would be at this moment. When things were ready, and all the meat was on the table, the two gasped in horror and/or delight (a mixture of both, I think), because they realized they had created something they never intended…a featureless face of meat. The horror was because they had created such a monster that was so delicious and beautiful, yet blind to what was going on in the plate around him. The pair lovingly and painstakingly performed a few operations here and there, and made little Meat Face into the handsome meat man that he is here:
Why is Meat Face frowning, you ask? Well, it’s because at the time, he hadn’t fully realized his destiny and purpose in life. See, he was just sitting on the plate observing a world in which he could never participate. That is true bravery, to endure such hardship, to be exposed to the tragedies of the world that no meat has ever seen, and to face it with such…gusto. We can all learn from Meat Face’s extreme bravery and courage. I can assure you that Meat Face quickly realized his potential to satisfy even the emptiest of stomachs, and now rests in peace in the comfortable sewer pipes of Brampton, Ontario.