Now that I live alone, I find myself doing odd things. I did odd things before, but they’re just odder now that I live alone. Or maybe they’re not actually odder, I just have more time to think about whether or not the things I do are odd. I don’t know. Should I be saying “more odd” as opposed to “odder”? I don’t know this either. I need a dog.
I spent the day alone in my apartment. This seems to be the norm as of late as I prepare for a busy school year ahead of me. The problem with this is that I spend a lot of time deep in my head, and when I do interact (namely on Twitter or via text message) people I message get some weird crap that makes perfect sense to me because I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, but leaves the receiver of said message completely at a loss.
Texts or tweets I’ve sent today:
“I want pancakes and I have the mix but no oil or syrup. I’d have to shower which defeats the purpose of lazy pancakes. I know too many of the bag boys. I’d have to eat something before I leave so I don’t pass out and then I wouldn’t be hungry for pancakes anyway. I am going to make eggs.”
“I didn’t get any birthday presents this year.”
“I need to stop listening to Alicia Keys.”
“The amount of junk that came off of my bathroom and closet doors actually makes me want to vomit.”
“Kevin Bacon hahahahahahahah”
“SOOOOO jealous that you got to go to Leamington without me! Lolz. Totes JK. Like, ROFLCOPTER, right?!?”
I’m starting to think that the phrase “I live alone” can get me out of a lot of future awkwardness. When I overreact and it’s embarrassing: “I live alone”. When I accost someone with a deep personal question: “I live alone”. When someone catches me talking to myself: “I live alone”. When someone asks why I’m talking like a small southern child: “I live alone”. When I write comments on Facebook just to be a jerk: “I live alone”. When I talk about the parrot who lives below me like he’s my best friend: “I live alone”.
Guys. I’m on to something here. What else can I start to blame on living alone? Help me milk this for all it’s worth.
14 Comments
Sorry, can’t really help you on this one – after 5 years of boarding I’m finally living on my own again and I feel more sane than I have for a LONG time 🙂
This is wonderful news, Mary. So wonderful!
Leamington! Coolio, that is where I am from! Who do you know from there?
I know this! I only know you guys. A friend was running work errands to Leamington and I was laughing at him.
Don’t mock Leamington, ketchup-hater. Well, you live alone, so mock all you like.
It was less about mocking Leamington than it was mocking the dreadfully boring drive to Leamington.
Hey! We gave you presents. Remember that awesome chair you sit on? And dinner and cake. I made you labour intensive, gluten free lemon cake! And there was a delicious steak dinner. Also, you were odd before you lived alone! Yes you were! But possibly you are odder now? Maybe ask the parrot? 😉
I meant presents that I got to open. The Kleenex from Grandma doesn’t count.
What else can be blamed on living alone… eating poutine in bed? You may also find in time that you get really particular about how you do pretty much anything in your place, because you`re the only person who has to deal with it. If you do get a pet, you may find that you have full on conversations with them on an ongoing basis!
I’m still stuck on the sentence “I need a dog”… I would have thought that not having tiny black evil dog around would have been a plus to living alone 🙂
It is a plus, but tiny black evil dog is in her last days, so now I feel bad for hating her so much. Sick puppy, indeed.
It’s when you go to school with an awesome idea or project that may have taken you hours to do for your students… and people look at you like you’re crazy to complete it. But, it was fun… and really… you live alone.
Living alone gives one the flexibility to do odd things… without everyone knowing about it! However, if you share the deets you’ll either… (a) end up with more blog followers who are inspired by your zany spirit, or (b) get a dog. Just sayin’ 🙂
Don’t worry, I live in Alabama. Alone,
well most of the time. I have two sons.
Sit down comic. Brilliant. Always a fan
of funny. I enjoy your tweets, please keep
up the fine work.