Friday Field Notes: Tooting

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

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Grade 2

(Guess who’s back!)

Y: Hey Miss B, are we going to see Obama again?

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Me: Can you name a healthy food?
E: Bacon!
Me: Sorry guys, although delicious it’s not healthy.
E: Is there sugar in it?
Me: No, lots of fat.
E: But…
Me: I know buddy. I know.

(Yes, I did crush bacon dreams last week, too)

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D: Have you seen the Mortal Combat Holiday special?
Me: No.
D: (Launches into a very long, detailed explanation of how to find it on Youtube and what videos to watch.)

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I walked to the back of the room and heard a group of kids planning their weddings to each other.
T: You’re AAAAALL invited!

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Grade 2 (a different one)

J: My mom is 21. Actually, she is 31, but she just says she is 21.

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A: He told me something really funny.
Me: Oh?
A: That he tooted!
Me: Oh really?
R (face is red from laughter): YES.
Me: So you think tooting is funny?
R: YES.
Me: So does my brother. And he’s 30.

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During my period off, I went to visit Mrs. Lydia’s grade 2 class. They were listening to a book on tape and following along with a big book. The woman reading the book leaves out words and a space, so the kids are to read the word out loud to fill in the space. After this activity, the following conversation took place. This is pretty typical. We were just missing Mrs. Short. Oops, I mean Mrs. Natalie.

E: How did the tape do that? Like stop on a word like that?
Mrs. Lydia: Teacher magic.
Me: Yes. Absolutely.
C: Really?
Mrs. Lydia: Yup. When I think there is a word you should read, I send signals through the floor to Miss B, and she sends signals to the CD player and it stops her from reading.
T: Nooooo.
Mrs. Lydia: Yes! It’s true! It’s a special kind of teacher magic that only works if there are two teachers in the room.
Me: If I hadn’t been here, the lady on the CD would have read all of the words.
C: I don’t think that’s right.
Me: It’s true! Even though Mrs. Lydia and I aren’t wearing glasses, we can still perform teacher magic.

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Grade 4 (A’s class!!)

A: Are ALL of our teachers supplies today? It’s like they’re taking over the SCHOOL.

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A (answering the phone): Mr. W’s class, A speaking, how may I help you?

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C: IT’S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Exciting, yes, but try not and scream next time.

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A: If you think positive, you can change your ATTITUDE!

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Mr. E: What happens when you exercise?
A: When you sleep, your body will say, I got to get moooooore muscles.

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I walk over to A’s group. He is holding up a paper, while a girl copies something down from it. The other two have their songbooks out and are singing.

Me: What’s going on guys?
A: They’re singing to us and encouraging us to work. They’re like cheerleaders!

Teamwork, guys. Teamwork.

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C: It’s raining, yet it remains on the ground!
Me: Hail buddy. That’s hail.

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A: WHY do I always get marker on my hands? I am so careful, but I STILL get it all over.
Me: I do too. Even though I’m an adult.
A: WHY is that though?
Me: It’s one of life’s great mysteries.
A: Yes. It must be.

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I start talking, no one is listening.

A: YO. She’s talking. RESPECT!

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It was Remembrance Day. At the end of the day, we had an assembly. After, a bunch of my kids were upset and teary. We had a conversation about empathy and listening with your ears and your heart and how it’s completely human to be sad and to cry. The sweetness of these kiddies made me tear up right there in front of them and want to hug them all. One of the quiet girls puts up her hand and says this:

“Miss B, see the snow falling from the sky? It’s like tears falling for all of the soldiers who died.”

This is why I do what I do.

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