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Amanda Bast
Kid Stuff 7

Friday Field Notes: Three Genders

By Amanda @AmandaMBast · On February 10, 2012


Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

—

And I’m back! I worked more this week than I did the entire month of January. I am a happy girl. The kids weren’t especially weird this week, but there is still some good stuff.

—

Kindergarten

H: AWKWARD SHARK!

H: AWKWARD EYE!

H: AWKWARD TOWER!

H: AWKWARD SINK!

(Everything was awkward. All morning. ALL morning.)

—

K: Can you write this for me?
Me: No, but I can do dots, and you can trace over them to make the letters.
K (very distraught): Oh…but I’m just a little boy!

—

(This little one used to be in my preschool class and would say, “Mommy and Daddy are BEST FRIENDS!” at least sixteen times a day. She’s growing up and isn’t as annoying)

G: I have three teeth on the loose!

—

Grade 2

J: Noses are in schools!

—

J: R is being a jerk for me. Say something to her.

—

J (singing): Banaananananana! Noses! Noses are in schools!

—

Me: Oh! Someone didn’t rewind this tape.
R: That person is VICIOUS.

—

Things I heard screamed during a game of dodgeball in Grade 5/6:

E: Watch out for the BOUNTY HUNTER!

E: SAVE MY SOUL!

A (after hitting someone with a ball): What’s in YOUR wallet?

(I think I’m going to start using that as a regular retort)

—

Grade 6 girl: There are three genders: boys, girls and grade fives.

—

I’m OJ Simpson! I get to drink all the OJ!

—

(I think this was directed at me in passing, because after someone said it, a bunch of kids stared at me with gaping mouths)

You look like someone who is being pwned by someone who is half as short as you.

—

Kid’s Dad: Now, what do you have to say to your teachers?
O: Sorry for not listening and…
Dad: Being lippy.
O: LIPPY ISN’T EVEN A WORD.
Dad: Sigh.
O: Sorry for being LIPPY.
Dad: Ok. It’s the weekend. Let’s go.

—

Have a good weekend, my people.
Go drink all the OJ before Mr. Simpson gets to it.

 

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Amanda

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7 Comments

  • randomlychad says: February 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Kids do indeed say the “darnedest” things. I have two…

    Recent dialogue with 13yo wonderboy (my son):

    Me: I hate it when no one listens to me.

    W.B.: You must hate yourself then…
    ———-

    You see what I put up with?

    Reply
    • snickeringcorpses says: February 11, 2012 at 9:03 am

      Why do I have the feeling you’re suffering from the Mother’s Curse, Chad? “May you grow up to know the joy of having a child JUST LIKE YOU.” 😉

      Reply
      • randomlychad says: February 11, 2012 at 10:04 am

        Hmmph.

        My mother says I was a compliant child.

        Reply
  • mairedubhtx says: February 11, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I liked the three genders. It makes sense to me.

    Reply
  • Adrian W. says: February 11, 2012 at 8:59 am

    HA! I love the “What’s in YOUR wallet?” retort. That’s too funny.

    Reply
  • Heather Summers says: February 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    OJ is vicious. The man and the drink.

    Reply
  • Burrill Strong (@sgtwolverine) says: February 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Wait. You get to play DODGEBALL in SCHOOL? I’m jealous. That’s gotten to be a frowned-upon activity at U.S. schools.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2001/05/06/us/increasingly-schools-move-to-restrict-dodgeball.html

    Apparently what’s in OUR wallet is an inability to handle physical activity and losing.

    Reply
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