Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.
Enjoy. I certainly do.
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And I’m back! I worked more this week than I did the entire month of January. I am a happy girl. The kids weren’t especially weird this week, but there is still some good stuff.
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Kindergarten
H: AWKWARD SHARK!
H: AWKWARD EYE!
H: AWKWARD TOWER!
H: AWKWARD SINK!
(Everything was awkward. All morning. ALL morning.)
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K: Can you write this for me?
Me: No, but I can do dots, and you can trace over them to make the letters.
K (very distraught): Oh…but I’m just a little boy!
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(This little one used to be in my preschool class and would say, “Mommy and Daddy are BEST FRIENDS!” at least sixteen times a day. She’s growing up and isn’t as annoying)
G: I have three teeth on the loose!
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Grade 2
J: Noses are in schools!
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J: R is being a jerk for me. Say something to her.
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J (singing): Banaananananana! Noses! Noses are in schools!
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Me: Oh! Someone didn’t rewind this tape.
R: That person is VICIOUS.
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Things I heard screamed during a game of dodgeball in Grade 5/6:
E: Watch out for the BOUNTY HUNTER!
E: SAVE MY SOUL!
A (after hitting someone with a ball): What’s in YOUR wallet?
(I think I’m going to start using that as a regular retort)
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Grade 6 girl: There are three genders: boys, girls and grade fives.
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I’m OJ Simpson! I get to drink all the OJ!
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(I think this was directed at me in passing, because after someone said it, a bunch of kids stared at me with gaping mouths)
You look like someone who is being pwned by someone who is half as short as you.
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Kid’s Dad: Now, what do you have to say to your teachers?
O: Sorry for not listening and…
Dad: Being lippy.
O: LIPPY ISN’T EVEN A WORD.
Dad: Sigh.
O: Sorry for being LIPPY.
Dad: Ok. It’s the weekend. Let’s go.
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Have a good weekend, my people.
Go drink all the OJ before Mr. Simpson gets to it.
7 Comments
Kids do indeed say the “darnedest” things. I have two…
Recent dialogue with 13yo wonderboy (my son):
Me: I hate it when no one listens to me.
W.B.: You must hate yourself then…
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You see what I put up with?
Why do I have the feeling you’re suffering from the Mother’s Curse, Chad? “May you grow up to know the joy of having a child JUST LIKE YOU.” 😉
Hmmph.
My mother says I was a compliant child.
I liked the three genders. It makes sense to me.
HA! I love the “What’s in YOUR wallet?” retort. That’s too funny.
OJ is vicious. The man and the drink.
Wait. You get to play DODGEBALL in SCHOOL? I’m jealous. That’s gotten to be a frowned-upon activity at U.S. schools.
http://www.nytimes.com/2001/05/06/us/increasingly-schools-move-to-restrict-dodgeball.html
Apparently what’s in OUR wallet is an inability to handle physical activity and losing.