OH FRIENDS IT’S THE MOST BESTEST DAY EVER! Sorry for yelling, but I’m excited. I’m thrilled to announce that the Friday Field Notes are BACK. If you have no idea what this means, you’re in for a treat. Here’s the usual preamble:
Every week as a substitute teacher, I come in contact with 100+ different kids. I know some of them well. Others I am meeting for the first time. They say some ridiculous things, so I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes. All of the identifying factors of the kids have been removed. Only hilarity remains.
Enjoy. I certainly do.
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Kindergarten:
After overhearing us remarking about how many bathroom accidents there were that day.
Kid: September is just the month for poopin’ your pants, I guess.
—
Grade 5:
Me: When I call your name, I want you to tell me something awesome about yourself.
T: I like soccer!
G: I’m good at baseball!
P: Art is my favourite thing!
V: Sometimes my voice sounds like this, and sometimes my voice (clears throat) sounds like this.
V: (runs up to me during a quiet work period): GHANDI HAD TWO MONKEYS!
During a test:
Me: Keep your eyes on your own page!
F: That would hurt. If we actually took our eyes out and had to put them on your paper.
Me: Don’t worry if you don’t get finished. You’ll have time to work on it later today.
L: Yup, that’s why it says “Catch-up” on the board.
Me: Heinz?
L: (Slowly shakes head)
Me: Like. Heinz. Catch-up…?
L: (Slowly shakes head)
Me: Get it? Like. Heinz. Ketchup.
L: (Slowly shakes head)
Me: Not a good joke?
L: (Slowly shakes head)
L: Miss Bast, do you remember the math sweats from grade two? I’ve got them again.
Me: Yes I do. I certainly do.
—
Grade 3/4
Kid to French Teacher: So do we have to do this in French?
FT: What class is this?
Kid: French.
FT: So what do you think?
Kid: But ENGLISH is a lot easier.
FT: It’s FRENCH class.
Kid: Ok, but do we have to draw the picture in French, too?
E: But Aiden’s a lover, not a fighter.
Kid comes to the carpet with a paper to hand in. He puts it high in the air and then drops it.
W: See that? I call that the bird.
—
Kindergarten (at church)
Me: Who was our story about today?”
Kid: Jesus!
Me: Not quite. Remember? He built the ark.
Kid: Jesus!
Me: Hmm. Think again. He put the animals on the big boat because it was going to rain.
Kid: Umm…
Me: All of the animals, remember?
Kid: Oooh. JESUS!
Me: The Bible tells us to….?
Kids: OBEY!
Moyer’s kid: NOT OBEY!
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Have a lovely weekend, friends! Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canucks!
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