I’m scarily good at remembering names. It’s extremely helpful when I need to freak the crap out of a kid who isn’t doing what (s)he should be and they don’t remember me. They have no idea how I know them, and the look on their face is not like any other I’ve ever seen. It’s one of the best parts about my job.
I attribute my phenomenal memory to the way I first learn a name. I sit the kids down, go through an attendance list one by one (so I can see the name written as well as spoken) and ask them to tell me something awesome. Anything. At all. As long as it’s awesome. It gives me something to attach to their name and face and it’s almost always funny.
Past examples,
“My name is ______ and these are my lucky pants.”
“My name is ______ and today I ate my entire lunch in 10 bites.”
“My name is ______ and my dad is bald.”
“My name is ______ and I am awesome. Me. That’s my awesome thing.”
Today, their answers were pretty average. I’m going camping, I have a hamster, I went to the mall, I was in Pakistan for two months and it was boring. You know, the usual. And then there was this one:
“I’m going to call R tonight to see how many times she hangs up.”
Me: “Why would you do that?”
“Because sometimes I talk a lot and she just hangs up. I want to see how many times she’ll answer.”
?
—
Kid: “I’m a diva.”
Me: “What makes someone a diva?”
Kid: “Like Sharpay. She gets what she wants. That’s me. All of the time.”
—
Girl who is answering the phone, and then hanging up a bunch of times tonight: “I love to sing. It’s my identity. I also memorized two phone numbers.”
—
Kid: “Do real magicians make smoke?”
Me: “What do you think?”
Kid: “No. It just pops out when people disappear.”
—
Kid, playing with Playdough: “I made Pinocchio’s nose.”
Me: “When does Pinocchio’s nose grow?”
Kid: “When he is acting like an adult.”
—
Me, reading a book and stopping to ask, “What is an anniversary?”
Kid: “Mdmsdkjfdm, asmdlfkmsdf you get to go out for dinner.”
—
“My dad ALWAYS watches the newses!”
—
Sometimes I keep asking questions just to hear their ridiculous answers. That explains the next few, all from the same child.
Kid: “Rats run everywhere!”
Me: “Where are they running to?”
Kid: “EVERYWHERE!”
Me: “Why?”
Kid: “Because they want food and beans.”
Me: “So, what are your weekend plans?”
Kid: “Well, stickers, circles, roll them in a ball and stick them on. Do you like my weekend plans?”
Kid: “Do you know it’s not good to hit animals together?”
Me: “It’s not good to hit them at all.”
Kid: “I mean like, together. Like their heads. You can’t hit them together.”
—
3 Comments
> Kid, playing with Playdough: “I made Pinocchio’s nose.”
> Me: “When does Pinocchio’s nose grow?”
> Kid: “When he is acting like an adult.”
I think that child is showing some rare insight.
I think you’re right except for the part about the insight of children being rare. It’s most definitely not rare.
This is confirmation. I need to get a pair of lucky pants ASAP!