Friday Field Notes: Italians

Every week I teach 161 different kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

—

Me (during a drama lesson): Pretend we’re in a magical forest! Look all around you. What do you see?
A: Trees!
T: Elves!
C: Mushrooms!
F: Fairies!
G: A mermaid!
Me: Pardon?
G: (cries)

—

Me: What number should we write on our whiteboards next?
J: Sixty fifteen hundred million fifty hundred!

—

C: Tally marks! I know what those are. They’re what the Italians use!

—

M: (farts loudly during a math lesson)
C: Who farted?
M: Well. You just have to fart sometimes.
(murmurs of agreement from the rest of the group)
(silence)
C: Yeah! Even I do.
(more murmurs of agreement)
C (quietly): Whoever smelled it did it.
(They all start visibly sniffing)

I had to hide my face behind a mini whiteboard during this exchange. Once they started sniffing, I had to get up in the middle of my lesson and go to the back of the room because I was laughing so hard.

—

On the playground
“It smells like bacon!”
(it didn’t)

—

J: Miss Bask! I recognized you by your face!

—

M: If you talk about it, I’ll be too careful.
Teacher: Oh! You can never be too careful!
M: YES. (cries)

—

Kindergarten:

A: Do you have a husband?
Me: No.
A: Why not?
Me: Well…
M: But she HAS a job!
Me: So if I have a job I don’t need a husband?
M: Right.
A: NO!
M: Well some people don’t even GET married.
T: My dad has a job AND a husband!
Me: Oh? Who is your dad’s husband?
T: My mom!

—

Teacher quote of the week:

“Grade 7 and 8s are just like Kindergarteners. They smell funny, they don’t wash their hands enough and they do stupid things. You can handle them, Amanda. No problem.”