Friday Field Notes: I Like Big Butts

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

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My Tuesday (post-Halloween) was the worst. I didn’t write anything down from that day because I don’t want to remember any of it.

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Kindergarten

Little girl describing a picture she drew: These are dinosaurs swimming under water. That is a girl standing there. Actually she drowned. Those are scissors. She dropped them.

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Boy describing something he built: This is a chocolate factory with animals buying chocolate. This is where the workers sleep.

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Me (reading a Robert Munsch book): What is university?
C: Umm uhhh umm……..(whispering) outer space.
Me (hiding behind book, giggling)
K: It’s where you go and get a job to do.
Me: Sort of.
D: It’s like a school for big people. Like 12 or 13 year olds.

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R (showing me a spider book): We didn’t even barf from that!

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Me: B, what do you want to be when you grow up.
B: Four. I have four on my packback.
Me: But what do you want to be when you grow up?
B: Six.

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Me: Can you tell me the name of a vegetable?
B: Jello.

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Me: Can you tell me some healthy things to eat?
C: Bacon.
Me: Bacon is delicious, but it’s not healthy for you.
C: GASP (I’m telling you, there was an audible gasp and his mouth hung wiiiiide open).
Me: I know buddy. I’m sorry I had to break it to you.

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D: Oatmeals is a good to eat at beckwrist.

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Me: NO ONE in this class is a runaway pancake!

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R: Can you write that the cracker people are evil?

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Grade 5

G: We have a supply.
T: A supply? Hope they’re not weird looking.

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Grade 2

R: My dog can listen to French.

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J: I am awesome because I like hot dogs.

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M: He called me a cheesy deesy bean pants!

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F: I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.
Me: Oh honey, not an appropriate song to sing at school.
F: But….but….
Me: Not at school, lovey.
F: Can I like them at home?
Me: Sure.

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P: I had some steam right in front of me but now it’s GONE.

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***LATE ADDITION***

I remembered something funny from Tuesday, the worst day ever.

Two random boys come up to me in the hall at the end of the day.
1: Are you a supply teacher?
Me: Yes.
1: Are you nice?
Me: Well yes, I’d like to think I am.
2: Good. You seem nice. We had a supply today who was NOT nice.
1: She was crying and yelling at us. I wish we had you instead.
2: Yeah she cried. Your class was lucky.

It was a bad day, but AT LEAST I DIDN’T CRY.

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Have a good weekend, you Cheesy Deesy Bean Pantses.