Friday Field Notes: Gentlemen

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

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Well I know it’s Sunday, and these are the Friday Field Notes. I was busy living life and being Christmasy so I haven’t had a chance until right now. Better late than never?

To make up for my tardiness, I present you with some notes from the lost archives (ie a slip of paper I found in my purse). These feature some Mennonite children.

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Me: What animals are you drawing?
H: A octopus, a alligator.
Me: Giggle.

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Me: If you could give someone in your life anything they want, what would you give them?
K: A EGG.

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J: My favourite place in the world to go is Walmart.

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Grade 3

Me (to little buddy turned around in his seat): A, your paper gets sad when you have your back to it.
A: Actually…paper has no feelings.

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I’ll trade you my face for an eraser!

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H: K, A, J and I were fooling around in the bathroom at break and this girl came in and asked her what our names were and said that we were going to get in trouble so K is crying because she doesn’t want to get in trouble because that girl shouldn’t have said that to us.
Me: Well, should you have been silly in the washroom? Were you making the right choice?
A: No.
Me: Maybe then you have to learn that there are consequences when you don’t make the right choice.
A: (face crumples, wails for the rest of the afternoon)
Me: Oh boy.

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Grade 4/5

Me (to a very boyish boy): Why are you carrying a pink plastic purse?
M: Because I TRADED for it.

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The rest of the kids were too insane and I didn’t write anything else down. For the most part, tough class = few field notes.

—

I was at a place where I did practice teaching two years ago. Basically, I know the majority of the kids at this place, and I can’t walk through the halls without being bombarded by hugs and kids yelling my name. I feel like a celebrity. I had a chance to catch up with a bunch of my favourite kiddies.

Grade 4/5

This guy has a specific way of talking that I wish you could all hear. It makes everything he says at least twenty times funnier.

C: Hey Miss B, remember that time in grade 3 when you were at light tag with us? And you played with us and shot us? And your friend, I shot him a bunch of times? He was standing there and I shot him through a mirror and I shot him? And you were playing laser tag with all of us?
Me: Yes, C. I do remember it. Thanks for bringing it up.

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B: Can I tell you something?
Me: Yes, sure.
B: You’re pretty and you don’t talk too loud.
Me: Ok…?
B: Well some teachers talk really loud and yell and stuff. You don’t yell and you have nice hair.
Me: Thanks.

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C (said to a classmate): Actually, I’m fighting for your right!

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Me (looking at a crowd of boys surrounding a desk): Hmm, I wonder what those gentlemen are up to.
C: Probably having a gentleman party.
Me: A gentleman party?
C: Yeah, a party with just gentlemen.
Me: Ah, ok.
C: Doing gentleman things. A gentleman party.

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Kindergarten

These kids all called me Mrs. Newman all afternoon.

Me: It’s Bast, honey.
T: Bastard?
Me: NO. Bast.
F: Bat?
J: Bass?
A: Like a bathtub?
Me: You can just call me Mrs. Newman.

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A: I’m almost as tall as you!
Me: You know, in most kindergarten situations, you would be way off, but yes, you ARE almost as tall as me.

*Note: looking a five year old in the eye is a VERY odd experience.

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Kids are running around the hall screaming, not putting snowpants one, generally causing a giant ruckus.

O: Hey you’re pretty, teacher.
Me: While I appreciate your sentiment, I would appreciate it more if you weren’t hitting other people over the head while you said it.

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Hope you had a wonderful weekend and had lots of Gentleman Parties.