Friday Field Notes

Every week I encounter anywhere between 20 and 100+ kids. They say some ridiculous things. I write them down as accurately and timely as possible, then compile the best lines into these weekly Friday Field Notes.

Enjoy. I certainly do.

—

For some reason, my body only let me get three hours of sleep last night. Today was a STRUGGLE. I had some points today when the kids were rangy, that I just stood and stared. Typing this out was also a struggle. I know the kids said way more fantastic stuff this week (and some from last) but I can’t remember where I even was this week. I think the story at the end will make up for it, though.

—

From last week:

J: Sometimes my dad is grumpy.
Me: Why?
J: Because sometimes I am bad and sometimes I am good.

—

This week:

Grade 3:

First 10 minutes of the day.

C: Aw man, she’s a LOSER. (referring to me)

—

Grade 4/5 (Same class for a full five days!)

During my regular “tell me your name, and something awesome” routine. This time in addition to this, I asked them to tell me what was the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten.

I got lots of “dill pickles” and “snails” answers. I also got this.

S: Plast-a-scene.
Me: Remind me to hide the school supplies from S.

—

Me: Tell me something awesome.
A: Bacon.
Me: You are not the first person to have said this.

—

S: Last night I was sleep walking and ran into a bush. And I yelled and I woke up in a bush.

—

Me: What is the name of your magic show?
Them: The Great Dorito!

—

Me: You can draw any winter scene.
S: Can I draw Pizza Hut?
Me: Pizza Hut? Really?
S: I’ll draw snow on the roof!

He drew a Pizza Hut. With snow AND icicles.

—

Me: Can you pick up all the paper on the floor, honey?
E: Don’t call me honey, that’s gross.

—

Me: Why were you so late this morning, M?
M: My dog peed on my coat.

—

Me (rather upset, after a bit of a “I’m not pleased with your behaviour” rant, staring at a kid in front of me): Do I look impressed to you?
L (beside me): A little bit.

—

Me: Oh thanks, honey.
E: I am NOT something you put on toast!

—

When I do attendance, instead of getting the kids to say “here” I get them to say a certain something, like their favourite food or colour. Thursday I got them to say their favourite word.

Me: A.
A: Potato.
Me: K.
K: Mysterious.
Me: E.
E: Supercalafragalisticexpialadocious.
Me: L.
L (totally deadpan): Testicles.
Me: R.
R: Puppy.
Me (suddenly realizing what L just said): Um.
N: WHAT? AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. He just said….AHHHH HAHAHA. WHAT? I CAN’T BELIEVE…..

(None of the other kids are laughing. They don’t get it. I am flabbergasted and really want to laugh, but I am trying to play it cool and not react. L is still completely straight faced)

Me: N, we’re MOVING ON.

(N stops laughing immediately and we proceed like nothing happened)

Guys, someone said “testicles” in my class and no one noticed. Not even me. I have no idea how I held it together. Teacher magic?

—

I love my job.
Have a good weekend.