email of the year awards

Nominee for longest and most descriptive paragraph about an inanimate object:

“…our dear friend Dexter I the Computator passed away last night after a brief struggle with some crappy software that somehow dismembered his operating system. He died as he lived – heroically, and he fought till the end. I was forced, with many tears, to send my honoured comrade (just his soul, not his body, which still works fine) to meet his maker after it became clear that his OS was unsalvageable. Miraculously, I happened to have about 95% of my files backed up, so all I lost was my music (which I now have to import from all my CDs again) and some pictures (none of the Greece ones though, I have those on CD), among which is the one you’re using for your Facebook profile. Alas, it no longer exists except on Facebook. I’m writing this email on Dexter II, the newborn second incarnation of my faithful right-hand computator, with a cleanly wiped hard drive and a freshly installed copy of Windows XE. Although it’s been hard to let go of my old friend’s previous life, perhaps it’s for the best…Dexter I was starting to get a little slow and even crashed inexplicably a few times near the end. Now the Dexter spirit has a new lease on life. He’s had a lot of those useless programs that come with one’s compy that one never really uses cleared out of his system, and he’s ready for a new era of computational speed and excellence. He runs better too. It was a shock to lose Dexter I – we’ll never quite see his like again – but Dexter II is proving to be an admirable replacement. I just thought you should know. Now Leo has a new little buddy to play with!”