If I didn’t do what I do for a living, I think I would be a graphic designer. Or an author. Or a counselor. Or a small business owner. Or a self-sustaining artist. Or a comedian. Or a PJ on YTV. But mostly a graphic designer.
I have no training, but I know the rule of thirds. I have taken no courses, but I can tell you if your ad looks like poo. I don’t know how to properly use Photoshop, but I know when it’s overdone. I’ve never designed something for print, but I’m a font snob.
I don’t like Papyrus. That’s fruit. I don’t like Curlz. It hasn’t hit puberty yet. I don’t like Ariel. She’s a mermaid who steals stuff. I don’t like Bookman. He’s a mean man on that one Seinfeld episode. I don’t like any of these fonts. There is one font that I hate most of all. It makes me shudder. It makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to tear my eyeballs out of their sockets. It is a font I hate more than I hate Nickelback.
I hate Comic Sans.
Why Comic Sans is Terrible: A List
1. It does not look like it’s from a comic book. Do you even KNOW who Archie Andrews is? I am an expert when it comes to the freckled redhead. He’s the reason I know how to water ski. My parents used the Riverdale High gang as a bribery technique. Since my athleticism is nonexistent, I’ve got a large stack of these bad boys. I know for a fact there is no Comic Sans in those newsprint pages.
2. It is not professional. There is nothing about this font that will make me take you seriously. There is no such thing as a legal document typed in this font. As soon as you slap this font on something, you lose all credibility. Kind of like when a white guy wears a doo-rag. Or when hunters wear camouflage as regular clothing. Or if a girl’s face is orange. It’s not a good look.
3. It is not fun. Poorly designed fonts will not make your science test appealing. It will not spice up a worksheet. It will not help to make learning more fun. It will only make the chance of bleeding retinas more likely. Likewise, plastering this font all over your classroom does not make for an inviting atmosphere. Try smiling instead.
4. It cannot be redeemed. Nothing will make this font acceptable again. There is no context in which it will look good. There is no situation where it is acceptable. There is no excuse for this font. If I find an extra apostrophe lying around, I can overlook it. Spell check doesn’t catch that junk. But using Comic Sans? You had to select all and choose it from a drop down menu. You chose it. Drop down menu CHOSE it. Inexcusable.
The next time you’re designing a poster, writing a test or sending out an office memo, please, for the sake of all that is good and beautiful in the world, remember to Can the Sans.